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Ambrand
“You have a very cool blog!” (Robin Stine, 2009)
In Diplomatic style; we avail ourselves of this opportunity to express to you, the dear reader, the assurances of our highest consideration.
Ambrand is a blog about various things by people who know things. These people want you to know about these things, and it is to be hoped that after reading you will know, and this pleases us. To paraphrase J Proctor Knott;
Ambrand.com is a canvas on which we can paint our thoughts. For years we searched for such a place confident it existed somewhere, and that its discovery would constitute the crowning glory of the present century, if not of all modern times. We knew it was bound to exist, in the very nature of things; that the symmetry and perfection of our planetary system would be incomplete without it; that the elements of material nature would long since have resolved themselves back into original chaos if there had been such a hiatus in creation as would have resulted from leaving out this website. We are convinced that the greatest calamity that ever befell the benighted nations of the ancient world was in their having passed away without a knowledge of the actual existence of Ambrand.com; that the fabled Atlantis, never seen save by the hallowed vision of inspired poesy, was, in fact, but another name for Ambrand.com in a previous form; that the golden orchard of the Hesperides was but a poetical synonym for the website.
Ambrand which confusingly is also the nom-de-plume of the main writer, is ex-Navy SEAL, wealthy young man about town, and a professional David Hasselhoff impersonator*.
He is a non-executive director of several companies, is well known in society, belongs to all the leading social clubs, and hosts frequent dinner parites on his a cruising yacht. He spends a large portion of his personal wealth on the unreasonably high insurance charged by the ageist and sexist car insurance industry, and on subscriptions to LexisNexis and WestLaw.
He maintains a large house near Cork City “a splendid building in the best part of town” (Keeneman, 2008), and a lodge in South Africa. Ambrand speaks English, French, and is reasonably fluent in Afrikaans, which he is learning in order to appreciate the lyrics of Jim Reeves ’60s classics. Ambrand enjoys practising Afrikaans on his annual tour of the Commonwealth. Staying with Music Ambrand enjoys Joseph Locke, Henry Burr, Enrico Caruso, Count! John McCormick, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Billy Eckstine.
Ambrand is headed by Lord Ambrand of Sealand who is not a Licensed and Bonded member of Ireland’s statutory approved Real Estate body, the Irish Auctioneers and Valuers Institute, an is not a graduate of the the University of Dublin (Trinity College) he is not Chairman of the Munster Region ABC panel.
Oh yes,” she moaned, “yes yes yes”. Got your attention again? Good. I don’t know about you, but I was starting to nod off.. ok lets add a Tom Clancy-esque car chase to liven things up. The German engineered car speed through the Italianite alleys, the stocky passanger leant out the window to fire his Compact semiautomatic Smith & Wesson .45 ACP Chief’s Special (Model CS45), but before he could squeeze the trigger the target burst into flames; the intense fireball melting the ice sculpture radiating horizontal beads of water over the cobbled pavement. Unknown to the Lopez the sculpture contained metailc stips which stung the Michelin run flat tyres releasing the thixotropic fluid. How he wished he had purchased a Tweel, but that would have ruined the look of the car, and for him looks were everything.
Ambrand is the author of numerous books on financial advice, including the instant classic Cash Money; “a sterling work” (Envelope Journalist, 2006) , “the last word in financial planning” (The Human Fund, 2009), “the founding instance and ultimate embodiment of literary excellence” (Chequebook Journalist, 2008). Ambrand has also co-authored the Courtroom thriller The Karloff Affair, “another page-turning classic from the author of our age” (Carver News Network, 2008), “this is it” (Persona non gratis, n.d.)
* Caveat: Some of the above may be true.
Copyright
While it is trendy to use the creative commons logo we also realise that our children need wine (that’s an obscure Simpsons reference) so we must ask that you do not copy our text and/or images without prior written permission.
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